The other thing I hate the most

asking people for help.

I don’t know, I just don’t like to. It  makes me feel useless. I have too great of a pride I guess. Unfortunately, I have nothing to be proud about.

Scratching nails on a blackboard

That is the feeling that I’m having now. And the irony of it, I don’t know why I feel this way. Nothing in particular had bothered me. 

What ever made me think that the year 2008 will serve me well.  My previous assumption on the early days of this year is wrong. It had not been serving me well. I have been wasting my life away, that’s what. It’s been a month and I am the same person that I was at the start of the year. Meaning, I have not progressed from my point 1. And if I don’t wake up and do something about it, I’ll probably remain in my point 1 forever.

I keep on telling myself to wake up and do something with my life. But I never get around to it. I never gotten around to it, I mean. 

I am irritated because I don’t know what I am supposed to be doing right now. Sure, I have thesis and stuff, and I really should get to doing it. But I’m not. I just can’t bring myself to, and I don’t really know why. Or maybe because I am plain lazy. Which is true. I am so lazy that I don’t want to get out of bed.

I want to do something with my life,  but I don’t want to really be there to do it. It’s pathetic. I want to have the remote that Adam Sandler has in "Click", you know, just fast foward all the work and stuff. It doesn’y matter how I’ll get there, the point is, I get there. Why can’t my thesis do itself? Okay, these are a bunch of stupid ideas. I am just a lazy person looking for an easy way out.

I feel so bad. I am completely annoyed at myself and the person I become.

I want to stop being me. The me now, anyway.

I want to free fall into the abyss.