Confusing dreams with reality

Currently, I’m listening to Pachebel’s Canon in D, it’s my favorite piece. I am having a headache and I feel really irritated for no good reason.

I realized something, I have been writing a story about a gir who confuses her dreams with reality, to the point that she though that she was married to someon who only exists in her dreams. Basically, her story is based on the dreams here in my dream journal, plus some of my own experiences, except she’s 36 years old and she’s been through more stuff than me. So sometimes, her story is what I might do in ten to sixteen years, and she is not a perfect person, she is just as crappy as I am. And there is a paticular character in her story that is based on my friend, and sometimes, because she is irritated at that character in that story, I, in turn, feels irritated at my friend too. So I think I’m the one who gets confused with her reality and mine. Or that whatever I wrote or invented in her story are actually things that I want to happen or want to do with my life, whether unconsiously or consciously.

They say that dreams tell us something abotu ourselves.I think it’s true. They also say that dreams can sometimes predict the future, I think it can sometimes be true too. Bea says that she dreamt of her friends in St. Paul and DLSU, even before she went to these schools. It made her afraid to dream. I think that it is quite fascinating. It makes me more interested in dreams, in fact. However, there are also times that I get afraid too, because the dreams may not tell of something good.

The nights before the thesis defense I dreamt that one of my tooth fell out. In my dream, in a lucid state, I tried to put that tooth back, because I knew that it means failure and I didn’t want to fail my thesis. but then my mom in my dream told me that it was hardly recognizable, but it made me really afraid. It also made me feel sory that I didn’t wake up sooner.

I didn’t fail my thesis defense. But we didn’t finish our system for STPROF2. It’s a good thing though that our professor is considerate.

I had a dream about my thesis mates. In my dream, we were supposed to demo our system, but they didn’t want to, they had prior plans and they were leaving. But before they get to leave, our thesis adviser and our panels came in. We were in a restaurant and we ordered desert for all of us. We didn’t demo our talk about our thesis, we just ate desert. After our panels finished theirs, they stood up and left. And I was telling my thesis mates that we should go chase them back and have them see our system. But they wouldn’t. I stood up and went to the door of their faculty room and knocked and knocked, But it didn’t open.

I’m not sure if this is a dream or it really happened. I was in the thesis room with my friends, and they want to say something, but couldn’t because I was there, and then I said it for them: “it’s about one of our friends isn’t it?”. We were wondering why we were friends with one of our friends and if we should continue being friends with him/her. 

This is related to the character in my story. She didn’t think that she wants to continue to be friends with one of her friends and she went AWOL on him. But she went AWOL in alot of her friends. This is based on one of my friends in real life. We don’t really know how it happened, but we just went AWOL on each other.

I know that I may be a mean person but I’m still not the type who believes that I could be happy by being with someone who likes me. I may sound really pathetic, actually I am really pathetic, but I’m still waiting for a sign that the one that I like still remembers me or still wants to be friend with me. Unfortunately, we’re still AWOL to each other.

I dreamt that there was this boy and he was being ordered by an evil witch to dismember a baby girl. He was holding the baby girl and baby girl looked at him and told him that it’s okay. The evil witch told him to dismember the baby in girl in a number of parts and he considered biting off the parts of her fingers one by one. 

I dreamt that Lara was with her cousin who she had a relationship with, she kissed him on the lips and told him that they were cousins. And she went with another guy. She then returned to her cousin to help him dress up for a party and paried him up with one of the two sisters who were her friends. They were outside the chapel in my elementary school. She helped button and tuck in her cousin’s shirt. I remember admiring her cousin. And I remember liking guys in dress shirts. And I remember hugging her cousin and the feeling of his shirt on my cheeks. It feels strangely familiar.

I dreamt that there was a Halloween town. I was dressed in a black tshirt and pants and dress overlay. I carried a clear tote and I was with a friend, who went to find her boyfriend. We went to the bathroom and we heard a sound from my bag. We dug through my bag and found that the sound came form an old walkie talkie. We removed the battery of the walkie talkie but it kept on singing. It was singing a praise song, and we asked each other if it was telling us something. We ignored it. And I went to Halloween town, it had lots of decarations and stands. There were lights hanging in the trees. There was a part when I was looking through some old stuff that I had in the music room of my high school. There were other people there and they were all couples, and they taking their pictures and marking the spots where there seemed to be a vampire bite. 

I was in a car with Raney, Regine and my sister. We were driving through Makati supposedly, but it looks different. There was a new mall by Robinson’s. There was an underpass that had a tea shop next to it, and we were wondering how people would get to that tea shop. The tea shop sold sampaguita ice cream and that’s where AJ had his icecream, where the food were expensive, while we, in my dream, had ours in Greenbelt. We then went to Glorietta, but it looks different, and we had icecream bars. Regine was telling me that I shoudl drive to Ortigas when I work.

Ruth and Regine both asked me about the italicized him. And I realized that I don’t really have anything to tell. It was all a dream, or it began in a dream. And in reality, we’re still AWOL to each other and nothing ever happened between us. So whatever feelings that I have/ had are all products of my imaginations that were fueled by dreams about him. I really need to stop confusing dreams with reality.

 I told my friends about my dream about Nathaniel (someone who doesn’t exist in my reality) and they tease me about it. I don’t know why, but even though he doesn’t really exist, he made me feel kilig and in love and loved. It was such a nice feeling. So unfortunate it was all a dream.

The point of the story that I’m writing is that she’ll eventually realize that she shoudl focuse on her reality and not her dreams. She should focus on her present and not the possible future. Maybe, I should take my own advice.

End of dreams.