My New DreamJournal

DreamJournal.net is this site for dream journals and it also offers interpretations of dreams and symbols. 

Link: http://www.dreamjournal.net/index.cfm?do=getjournal&username=deadpoetz

Snippets from my Dream on Feb 23 2008

I was with some of my college friends and we went to the province. We went into this private property that has seemingly plastic grass and sunflowers. The property was surrounded by electricity-charged fences and even the grass itself is layered with this electricity-charged screen, but we went trampling all over the grass, and I do mean trampling, and nothing happened. Then we met the owners of the property, two young woman, who told us that they didn’t want to put gates aroudn their house, so instead they placed the fences to discourage people from entering their property, though it isn’t really charged with electricity. Then, we were invited into their house, apparently they were Bea’s relative or something. So we were in their house, which is this cozy cottage that reminds me of the house in "Everything is Illuminated". There was even freshly baked bread in the counter. Also in the house are three of my classmates from high school, these pretty feeling-popular-Queen-Bee types. I went to the bathroom, and after I closed the door, they started talking about me, saying that I was the one who told everyone about how one of them got pregnant, and all that, also that I have ugly curly hair. I looked in the mirror and see how thin I am, and the bones in my spine is quite pronounced. I knew that they knew that I can hear them, then I opened the stereo, which was apparently in the bathroom, really loud, so that they would think that I won’t be able to hear them anymore, and I strained to hear whatever else they were saying. They didn’t say anymore, they were only saying things "behind my back" for my benefit.

Calvin and Rane were riding this really scary rollercoaster, and just by watching them, I felt scared, I am very scared of heights.

My mom and my older sister went to this amusement park. We were at the ticket booth, my sister bought a ticket first, and then my mom, and me, but I was really shy or something, that the person at the ticket booth did not understand what I was saying. So instead of giving me a ticket, he  gave a  stub to my mom. Apparently, everything in the amusement park needed additional stubs. The ticket is just for the entrance. And after fixing the mix up, I was finally given a ticket. And then we went to look for the entrance, but there was so many people blocking the way, that instead of going to the entrance of the amusement park, we went to the entrance of the lrt station instead, and we went quite far before realizing that we went to the wrong entrance. Then, we went back to the entrance of the amusement park, where we saw my little sister and my dad. We then went in the amusement park, which is this in door thing, with some space-themed rides.

Where do we go when we sleep?

I spend most of my days sleeping. In class, in the car, in the LRT. I can sleep almost at most just by sitting down, actually I can sleep while standing too, in the bus and in the LRT. 

And sometimes, during these times, I am completely zonked out, that sometimes I feel as if I am no longer in the classroom or in the car. 

Sometimes I wonder, where do I "go" during these times?

My professor in RELSTRI said that sometimes when we sleep we experience astral projection, which is when our souls are seperated from our bodies. And our souls get to travel in this space. So do my soul do that? Whenever I dream of someone, does that someone dream of me too. Am I visiting them? Or are they visiting me? If they are visiting me, does that mean they miss me? Or are thinking of me?

If I were to continue wasting my life in sleep, I would really like to know what happens to me during this time. 

People who were in my dreams.

Most of the time, you’d dream about someone you know. According to Rane, then whenever you dream about someone that means that they are visitng you.

So, here’s a list of some of the people whom I have dreamt about (in random order) :

My sisters and my mom, Sir Nelson, Sir Sol, Ms Nats, Ms Tessie, Jeannie, Robbie, Jao, our old driver Glen, Anthea, Kenneth Duncan, Jeffrey, Anthea, Tope, Chidi, Rach, Jessica, Xan, my thesis mates…

Hmm.. I remember there must be more of them, but can’t remember who they are.

Scratching nails on a blackboard

That is the feeling that I’m having now. And the irony of it, I don’t know why I feel this way. Nothing in particular had bothered me. 

What ever made me think that the year 2008 will serve me well.  My previous assumption on the early days of this year is wrong. It had not been serving me well. I have been wasting my life away, that’s what. It’s been a month and I am the same person that I was at the start of the year. Meaning, I have not progressed from my point 1. And if I don’t wake up and do something about it, I’ll probably remain in my point 1 forever.

I keep on telling myself to wake up and do something with my life. But I never get around to it. I never gotten around to it, I mean. 

I am irritated because I don’t know what I am supposed to be doing right now. Sure, I have thesis and stuff, and I really should get to doing it. But I’m not. I just can’t bring myself to, and I don’t really know why. Or maybe because I am plain lazy. Which is true. I am so lazy that I don’t want to get out of bed.

I want to do something with my life,  but I don’t want to really be there to do it. It’s pathetic. I want to have the remote that Adam Sandler has in "Click", you know, just fast foward all the work and stuff. It doesn’y matter how I’ll get there, the point is, I get there. Why can’t my thesis do itself? Okay, these are a bunch of stupid ideas. I am just a lazy person looking for an easy way out.

I feel so bad. I am completely annoyed at myself and the person I become.

I want to stop being me. The me now, anyway.

I want to free fall into the abyss.

Dream themes

I have had a lot of dreams lately, but I’m not going to write about them yet. Instead I will make a compilation of the different themes from my dreams and what they may mean. I came across this site last time when I had a recurring dream, wherein my teeth was falling, so I searched up what the dream meant. So anyway, the site is: http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamthemes. It has quite a long listing of dream themes and their respective meanings.

I dreamt of my professors in college, more than once. One time, it was just one of them. The other time, there were a bunch of them and they were discussing our thesis, since in reality our thesis, is well, not going anywhere.

Professor
To see a professor in your dream, symbolizes higher learning and wisdom. You will have prominence in some field.

Teacher

To see your teacher (past or present) in your dream, suggests that you are seeking some advice, guidance, or knowledge. You are heading into a new path in life and ready to learn by example or from a past experience. Consider your own personal experiences with that particular teacher. What subject was taught? Alternatively, it may relate to issues with authority and seeking approval. You may going through a situation in your waking life where you feel that you are being treated like a student or in which you feel you are being put to a test.

I had this dream this morning, where there was this cop and he was chasing some bad guys into my apartment building. Instead of following them, he went to my apartment instead, where he knew where the kids, who are the target of the bad guys are staying. We had this conversation in the dining room with my mother (not my real mother, my mother in the dream), my father and my brother, oh and in this part of the dream, both my mother and I resemble Maricel Soriano in her role in "Mano Po 1", about the kids, whether or not there are kids with strong political background and stuff, and I counted and including us, our family. And then, the cop went into the room with the kids holding a gun. Oh, the cop and I seem to have some kind of relationship in the dream. Then I folowed him and asked what he was doing. I held my palm in front of his gun. He said that he is going to teach por inform the kids about the bad guys and how they are supposed to act at the sight of guns, etc. 

Children

To save a child, signifies your attempts to save a part of yourself from being destroyed. 

Police

To see the police in your dream, indicates apprehension over failure to perform or to honor obligations and commitments. A more direct interpretation of seeing the police in your dream forewarns that you should avoid reckless behavior.

To dream that you are arrested by the police, suggests that you feel sexually or emotionally restrained because of guilt.   

   To dream that you are a police officer, represents your own sense of morality and conscience. The    dream may serve to guide you down a straight path.

 Gun
To see a gun in your dream , symbolizes aggression, anger, and potential danger. You may be dealing with issues of passiveness/aggressiveness and authority/dependence. 

To dream that you are loading a gun, forewarns that you should be careful in not letting your temper get out of control.

To dream that you shoot a person with a gun, denotes your aggressive feelings and hidden anger toward that particular person.

To dream that someone is shooting you with a gun, suggests that you are experiencing some confrontation in your waking life. You may feel victimized in some situation.

Recently I have had this image in my head. It’s the image of me braiding my hair, or having my hair braided.

Braids
To dream that you hair is in braids, represents your neat and orderly way of thinking. It symbolizes your determination and a strong mindset. 

 In another dream, I was looking for a job. I went to this job interview/ casting call and I saw my batch mate Jeanny there, and I asked her if she was there for the job too. And she said yes. There was this escalator and there’s also this other door that leads to a bridgeway that leads to another building. And I asked her which one leads to the office.

Job
To dream that you are looking for a job, suggests that you are unfulfilled and feeling frustrated in your current phase of your life.   

 

Escalator
To see an escalator in your dream, indicates movement between various levels of consciousness.� If you are moving up in the escalator, then it suggests that you are addressing and confronting emotional issues. You are moving through your spiritual journey with great progress and ease.� If you are going down the escalator, then it implies repression and descent back into your unconscious.� It may be indication of a setback.

Bridge
To dream that you are crossing a bridge, signifies an important decision or a critical junction in your life. This decision will prove to be a positive change with prosperity and wealth in the horizon. Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage.

To dream of a run-down bridge, indicates that you should not contemplate any major changes in your life at this time.

To see a bridge collapse in your dream, denotes that you have let a great opportunity pass you by.

Dreaming my life away… still

I have not been posting lately, it’s not because I have not had any dreams lately. In fact, I did have dreams, a lot of them actually. I’d probably list them later in this post.

I think I am on the road to self destruction… or maybe on my way to wasting my life away. I go to school everyday, quite early in fact, but I have not done anything productive. I try to, I have every intention to in fact, but I never get around to being productive.

1 month has past since this semester started and well, our thesis does not have the progess that we were hoping. We are about 2, if not 3 weeks delayed in fact. I want to get started, I really do. I’m not really sure what’s stopping me from doing our thesis or anything at all.

I am not that into my vices lately, in fact, the DVDs of the koreanovelas I borrowed from Liyan are still on top of the DVD player as opposed to being in it.

I’m not sure what I have been doing instead. Instead of everything that I’m supposed to do.

I think I’m simply wasting my life away by doing nothing.

One thing that I have been doing a lot is sleeping.  And dreaming. I dream a lot.

Unfortunately, sometimes it becomes hard for me to know what is real and what is dreamt. Sometimes, I am afraid that I am living in my dreams that I lost touch with reality. It’s like an out of body or out of my head experience, not knowing, what is real. It’s scary. And it scares me a lot. I feel as if, what if, I get stuck there. If I just sleep. And sleep my life away. What will become of me then?  Okay, maybe this all sound a bit too dramatic, and as an aspiring writer and emo person, I tend to talk this way and over dramatize. But seriously, beneath all that, I really am scared that I would simply drift.

Yes, I am drifting through my lfie like some seed in the wind, just there floating in the air. I will go whereever the wind takes me. Without my own will to say where I want to stop or whether I want to continue at all. Buthopefully like some seed, I want to eventually land somewhere, somewhere nice, somewhere meaningful, somewhere I can do something with myself. I want to do something with myself. I think I have the ability to do so.

But I am also afraid of failure. I failed my first subject last term. And I am afraid that if I failed once, it means that I can always fail again and again. And I will land deeper and deeper in my failure that I can’t pull myself out anymore.

Please, wind, bring me to somewhere, not just anywhere. Bring me to the road that will lead me to, well, my graduation on time. And then lead me to… I’m not sure where I’ll be after graduation. 

I don’t really want to think about it yet. Because as of now, our thesis, well. Because as of now, I am not really sure that I can graduate on time yet. I am afraid of the disappointment that comes with my not graduating on time. I am afraid that I might fail the subject that I failed last term again. And I’d lost sight of my abilities. I’d forget that I am someone that is worth something.

I think that I am loosing sight of my own worth. I think I am loosing sight of my dreams, my goals. I’m not really sure what I’m going to be in 10 years, 20 years, heck not even in a year. I have plans. So many plans. Whether they’ll pull through I have no idea. Whether I am working toward the fulfillment of my plans, I am not so sure either.

Sigh.

Blog post ends here.

Will post about my dreams some other time.